...As I [Jesus] have loved you, so you must love one another... John 13:34b

If you have ever gone away for a week on vacation or a business trip and left the children at home, you might relate to this scenario. You walk in with an arm full of suitcases. The children clamor to welcome you home.

Child #1 runs up and hugs you. She doesn’t want to let go.
Child #2 says, "I have so many stories to tell you. When can we go for a walk?"
Child #3 says, "Did you bring me anything?"
Child #4 says, "I love you and missed you soo much!"
Child #5 asks, "Can I help you unload your bags or put your shoes away?"

They all love and missed you very much, but they each told you in a different way. #1 is telling you she wants your hugs and touch: Physical Touch. #2 wants your time so you can be with him: Quality Time. #3 checks your bags to find out if you thought enough about him to bring him something: Gifts. #4 affirms her love for you: Words of Affirmation. #5 wants to help you unpacked: Acts of Service.

With four children of my own, this is a common scene at the Messenger house when Daddy comes home from work at night. Our oldest always has something important to tell about his latest project and needs Dad's ear. Our second wants a hug or a poke or to wrestle. Number three generally wants a poke or a hug as well and occasionally he'll ask if Daddy brought him anything. Our youngest, the only girl, will want a hug (or help the other 3 topple Daddy to the ground) and then she will help him untie his shoes and put them away. Did you notice? Four different children, four ways of greeting: #1 Quality Time, #2 Physical Touch, #3 Gifts & #4 Acts of Service.

Now that you’ve read about the Five Love Languages, where do you fit in? Where does your spouse fit in? Children? Parents? Best friend? How can you improve the quality of your life by choosing to love your spouse or child in a different way? Do you want to? Or are you tired of trying?

What we find wonderful about the love language concept is that it can be carried over into all relationships. It can be your spouse, child, co-worker, student, and friend or family member. In different ways, we love each of them and they love us. By understanding the concept of love languages, you will better understand and ensure that the people you love, feel loved and respected by you. It's easier to love when you have an understanding of what love can and does look like. I think Dr. Chapman has helped us greatly with it.

Be careful though. Just because you feel loved in a certain way, that doesn't necessarily mean your spouse or child feels love the same way. You need to be careful to speak your loved ones language, not yours to them. This backward situation can set people up for frustration and loss of that "loving feeling." Eventually the frustration, if not checked by the desire to obey God, can lead to distant relationships, anger, silence and divorce among other things. Once you learn to "speak" your spouse's language, the fire that was there at the beginning of the relationship should come back! Granted, speaking the language doesn't have a 90 day money back guarantee like your local superstore, but it will have benefits.

God tells us to love one another. This is not a suggestion. This is a desire and command of the Lord. Yes, there are times when love is the last thing on our mind. Our husbands or siblings or parents or friends have repeatedly been thoughtless or neglectful of our relationships. We hurt and we don't want to be loving to people who hurt us. But to be fair, Scripture doesn't teach revenge by withholding our love for another. Quite the opposite, Scripture repeatedly admonishes to love others, especially in times of hardship. (examples: John 13:34, Ephesians 4:2, Galatians 5:13, Romans 12:10, John 13:35) Paul goes so far as to tell us in Romans 13:8a,b: Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another..." God considers our love of others a continuing debt to be paid!

God reminds us that we are to love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19) So what do we do when we'd rather fillet those close to us instead of loving them as God commands. Sometimes we need to ask for wisdom and understanding to love the unlovable because we feel like we've tried everything. When all else fails, we've tried every thing we know to do and our back is against the wall, we need to pray and ask God for a filling of his love for us. We need to ask that he would reveal his unconditional love for us, to us. Most times God's assurance doesn't magically and completely occur overnight, but it does happen. Then once we are assured of God's love for us, we will be able to pour out love on the unlovable folks in our lives. God prevails.

It is all about understanding people better and creating closer relationships. You may now finally realize why Aunt Girt is grumpy when you don't wash the dishes after yourself or why your son is always asking, "Did you get me something?" Or why it bothers you so much that hubby won’t help with the housework. Or why the gentle touch of your husband’s hand on your face sends butterflies to your stomach. Or why your husband beams whenever you tell him how handsome he is. Learn to speak all the love languages, but speak them more to the ones that matter the most, to the ones you love.